For a long time, I thought that something was seriously wrong with me.

It might have been because qualified professionals told me there was something seriously wrong with me: “Okay, so what you’re saying is that you drink your first few sips of morning vodka over the sink because you immediately purge, but that you persist until some of the vodka stays down because you don’t want to get the shakes?”

“Well, not just to avoid the shakes,” I’d clarify. “I also don’t want another episode of delirium tremens. Most importantly, I love being drunk.”

“Okay. Yes. Our conclusion is that something is seriously wrong.”

And they were right.

There have been times in my life when something was seriously wrong with me.

And…

Those times have ended.

They ended a long time ago, as a matter of fact. 

April 17, 2018 if you want to be specific.

I know the date because that was the last ceremony of my first ayahuasca retreat. The things that were “seriously wrong” with me were already far in the rearview mirror, but April 17, 2018 is the first time I really understood that.

It was the first time that I could see, with startling clarity, that I wasn’t broken, flawed, defective or living an unlucky lifetime. I was, in fact, kinda awesome. 

My first ayahuasca retreat was my shift from victimhood into personal empowerment, into feeling like the hero of my own story. Yes, things had gone seriously wrong in my early years. And…the ship had been righted. The alcoholism that was pushing me towards an early grave? It’d been 7 years since I had so much as a sip. The depression that was driving the alcoholism? 70% cleared.

For the first time, I was able to see that the “identified patient” label no longer fit me. 

And that was jaw-droppingly, staggeringly, overwhelmingly beautiful. It was enough to make me a passionate advocate of the plant medicine path.

And now, 5 years later, I’m feeling a new understanding settle in my bones.

This new understanding is just as beautiful.

The understanding is this: I, Keely Marie Carney Copeland, morning muser, wife of Sam the man, shamanic energy medicine practitioner, aspiring mother, shouter of “what a lucky lifetime!” – I’ve entered a season of savoring.

A season of savoring.

I have seventy musings already writing themselves about this topic, but the essence is this: the same way I don’t add extra salt to an already delicious bowl of yellow curry, my life is at a beautiful stage where I don’t have to adjust the ingredients. Instead, I can simply savor.

In a savoring season, I get to pause and say, “Wow. This “dish” (my life) – I’m pretty happy with it right now. I don’t need to tweak my job or my relationships or my exercise routine or my skincare products or my xyz in order to feel good. There is nothing that requires my urgent attention.”

Instead, I get to relax. To savor. To enjoy. To pause and understand, deep in my bones, that I have received the things I’ve asked for – and they’re just as good as I hoped they would be.

In my version of a savoring season, things don’t have to be perfect. I want to be pregnant and I’m not. There’s one particular area of my life where I’d still like some professional help. Sam and I have things to figure out around living abroad versus moving home.

And…none of those things bother me. I don’t wake up ruminating about my empty womb. I don’t toss and turn at night, fretting about staying abroad or moving home.

Sam and I still take action when it’s called for. We’re contemplating if our pregnancy “plan A” was too narrowly defined and beginning to explore more options. We talk about the staying abroad or moving home thing.

A savoring season isn’t about sweeping problems under the rug and hoping they’ll go away if you ignore them. It’s more about “Quadrant 1” living – we address things that are important before they become urgent and, by doing so, we get to stay in relaxed state of ease. There’s also a lot of Quadrant 4 mixed in – we “bin” a whole lotta things that, in the past, might have tricked us into thinking they required our attention.

And, more than anything, this savoring season seems to be about acknowledging that things don’t have to be perfect to be pretty freaking great. 

I don’t know how long this season will last. It might be over by the time one of you reads this email. But I’ve come to believe that acknowledging moments like this matters. 

So I’m here at the Quito airport, pausing before I board my next flight to say, “Wow. This is a new season for me. A season I’m feeling pretty darn grateful for. And, while I know that seasons change and that I shouldn’t cling to this one, I’m going to go on the record with the Universe as being a fan of savoring seasons. Feel free to let this one last a while if that’s in my highest and best good.”

Wishing you and yours lots of savoring seasons,

Keely