“Julie, WAKE UP,” I texted, “I need you!”

Like every sane person in the world, Julie sleeps with her phone on silent, so I knew she wouldn’t actually wake up as a result of my message. She’d see it in the morning and that would be fine.

Knowing that I could text freely without it disturbing her, I kept going.

“I just did this embarrassing thing and I need you to make it funny instead of mortifying. Why are you asleep right now?!?!”

Taking something embarrassing and making it funny is Julie’s specialty. She goes through life doing RIDICULOUS things but laughs at herself as she does them, so it’s hilarious. Julie’s charm: it’s through the roof.

As such, she’s my “turn to in embarrassing moments” friend. 

Likewise, I’m Julie’s “turn to in existential crises friend. “Well,” I told her a while ago when she was beating herself up over a potentially expensive mistake, “When Sam or I make mistakes like that, we say, ‘Wow. How lucky are we that we can make a mistake like that and still not have to worry about putting food on the table tonight? Can you believe our good fortune?!’” And she said, “Gahh, you’re literally the best person in the world to talk to in situations like this.”

Which–wow, what a compliment. Wasn’t it so clever of me to find a way to slip it into a musing so I could tell all of you about it?!

But also–it’s pretty spot on. When you’re beating yourself up, I’m probably going to have something to say that can help you feel better. Due to some combination of nature and nurture, that’s a strength of mine (my Gene Keys profile has “Presence” three times and  presence is basically about radiating inner peace.)

Likewise, when I’m hovering on the edge of mortification and want to laugh instead of cry, Julie’s probably going to have something to say that will make the situation funny. Due to some combination of nature and nurture, that’s a strength of hers. (Julie’s Gene Keys profile has “Intoxication” in it, which is basically about being entertaining. I knew she had this trait before I even checked her chart.)

It’s so nice to think about relationships that way. “Here’s this person in my circle who has this strength. They’re my person for xyz.”

But, for years, my friend Michelle and I have talked about how easy it is to get swept away in the delusion that ONE person should be everything.

Like that I should not only have comforting words, but also be as entertaining as Julie, as warm and nurturing as Sneh, as caring as Sam, as fill-in-the-blank as fill-in-the-blank.

Guys–I’m not as entertaining as Julie. And there’s no reason for me to feel bad about that. Julie has an intoxicating presence. You leave time with her feeling like you just drank a bit of champagne.

Me? You’re probably going to leave time with me wondering how I tricked you into getting out of my house two hours earlier than we planned. (Practice, friends. The answer is practice.)

I’m on this “enchanted living” kick and a key component of enchanted living is wholeheartedly accepting your authentic self. Not feeling bad or guilty or ashamed for any of the gifts you don’t have, but instead leaning fully into the ones you DO.

Then, when we’re living as our authentic selves, we go build communities with other people who are living as their authentic selves. We build circles where we can turn to Julie for this and Keely for that and Sneh for this and Sam for that. Then we all gather as often as we can because Martha Beck says “the secret to a happy life is merely this: find people you like and do things with them.”

And, with that, a big exhale for your morning. Because we really don’t have to be all the things. We don’t even have to be most of the things. We just have to be.

Sending love,

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