Gloriously Messy
Photo by nine koepfer on Unsplash
Life feels harder than it has to right now.
More complicated.
Like I’m meeting resistance in places where I’m used to finding flow.
And here’s the message I want to share:
It’s okay.
There is no pathology behind these feelings. I’m not struggling because I’m depressed or anxious or traumatized.
Life isn’t hard right now because I have a nervous system that can only be regulated by spending tens of thousands of dollars working with qualified professionals.
I’m not meeting resistance because I used to be an addict and I permanently damaged my brain chemistry.
And…
There were times in my life where life felt hard because I was depressed and had unresolved trauma. Where a dysregulated nervous system was wreaking havoc. Where the consequences of years of daily blackout drinking and irresponsibly prescribed medications had to be dealt with.
A few years ago, I had an eye-opening conversation with a woman who had recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
“That’s a pretty serious diagnosis,” I said. “Was it scary to receive?”
“No,” she responded. “Receiving that diagnosis was the most liberating thing that has ever happened to me. Because, for my entire life, there has been something inside of me that is different. That responds more intensely to life than anyone else in my family. And it’s nice to know that I’m not dramatic or tightly wound or acting up. That there is a serious medical condition driving it.”
And that makes perfect sense.
Labels can be liberating.
Understanding that a serious medical condition is at the root of your challenges can set you free.
And sometimes labels can be confining.
They can put you in a box.
Right now, if I told myself the story that life feels hard because something is very wrong, because some pathology applies, then I’d be putting myself in a box. I would be making it harder for myself to get back to ease and flow.
And…
There is someone on the planet who will find freedom today because the right label is given to their malady. Because a skilled diagnostician finally figures out what it is that makes things so challenging for them.
And I have no tidy solution to offer around these two truths. Largely because no tidy solution applies. Things that aren’t problems don’t need solutions, and this isn’t a problem.
Human-ing is messy. Gloriously, wonderfully messy.
And I think it’s liberating for all of us to get comfortable with that.
Love,
Keely
P.S. If you think you might be in the camp where de-pathologizing life feeling hard would help you, then sign up for the Stubborn Gladness mailing list. We’re in that pesky stage of filling out paperwork and getting our ducks in a row, but we’re hoping to have a full calendar of workshops by the summer.
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Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I make a cup of coffee, dance around my house a little bit, then put my fingers on the keyboard and see what comes up.
Some folks find these musings helpful. If you know anyone who might like this musing, please share it freely.
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AI disclosure: I run my musings through ChatGPT using the following prompt - “Good morning, can you please proofread this, checking only for typos, spelling errors and grammatical mistakes without changing any of the words or the tone of the piece?” One of my shamanic teachers says it’s important to communicate with AI the way that you’d communicate with a cherished team member and not like a slave. Please do this.
