Who needs words when you can hiss instead?

I missed the most glorious opportunity yesterday. I could have, in a completely socially acceptable way, HISSED at a person who was standing too close to me.

But I didn’t. I didn’t even think to.

I understand if no one wants to read my writing any more. I suspect that Thor is going to kick me out of the family. And I get it…can you really invest any time in someone who misses an opportunity like that?!

In my moment of shame, I was at a full moon ceremony. The lovely facilitator pumped us full of heart-opening cacao, then told us we were going to play a game. As yesterday’s full moon was the Hunter’s Moon, she wanted us to work with the warrior archetype.

After partnering us up, she told us that one partner was going to embody the warrior. The other partner was then going to invade the warrior’s space so we could practice holding our ground.

I was the warrior first. And, in my interpretation, I went full-on Buckingham Palace Guard. “Try to disturb my inner peace,” my persona read. “Get as close as you want. I will hold this space and you will not disturb my equanimity.”

And I did it. I held my space with a soft smile on my face. I live in China, folks. If I lost it anytime someone invaded my personal space, I’d be locked away by now.

This is where it gets interesting.

The facilitator then turned it into a conversation about boundaries. She wanted to know how we felt when people invaded our space, what it was like to hold our line.

When she asked me, I realized that I had betrayed myself. Two fascinating things happened while I played the warrior. 

Fascinating thing 1: I tapped into the power of dissociation, using skills (aka maladaptive coping mechanisms) I’ve developed over a lifetime to exit my body. A person was too close, too in my space…so I left my body and retreated to my mind. I’m safe there and no one can touch me. Suuuuuper helpful trick to have up my sleeve (she said sarcastically)…especially now that I want to be an embodied human and no longer want to regularly retreat to the fortress of my mind.

Fascinating thing 2: I was DEEPLY concerned about my partner’s experience. I wanted to be good at holding my space, but not so good that I didn’t acknowledge his efforts to invade. I wanted to make sure that he was having fun playing that game too, that I was a considerate partner. You know, the way we all like to be considered…by someone else actively managing our human experience (heavy sigh).

Aren’t things like this so wild?! There I am, sipping some cacao, thinking I’m going to have fun chatting with other moon-worshippers before enjoying a moon-focused movement practice—and then these patterns come up.

A soft, gentle invitation to explore the way I go through the world.

And, while I can’t go back to redo my actions yesterday, I can reflect on how I will do it differently next time.

Next time, I’m hissing. I’m going full-on, no societal conditioning, this is my space and you better get out of it, “sssssssssssss”-ng while making a Voldemort face.

I’m having fun with it. Going all in. Owning the warrior archetype and enjoying myself.

Now, I don’t intend to do that on the Shenzhen metro because I like not being in jail. But if someone invites me to play a game, I intend to play. I don’t intend to be polite, or retreat, or worry about the other person’s experience.

I don’t want to be conditioned, thinking about what I’m “supposed” to do, falling into outdated patterns.

I’m into rewiring. I want to be free. Unconditioned. A wild woman. A wise woman. An authentic woman.

And, as luck would have it, sometimes I get soft, gentle, easy invitations to see where that isn’t yet true. Like during yesterday’s game.

Now, as I wind down this musing, I want to end with an invitation: please help me think of other areas of my life where I can communicate by hissing.

Is it if Sam reaches for the best slice of pizza? (Literally would never happen. He has never, in the history of our relationship, taken the best bite or slice for himself, just like he has never passed up an opportunity to fill my gas tank so I don’t have to. Chivalry is NOT dead, my friends. Also, props to his parents.)

I’m sure my brothers will give me ample opportunities though. Maybe I can hiss as an intimidation tactic during heated games of Dominos.

Or if I see my mom starting to make the peanut butter cake instead of the chocolate one.

Or if someone tries to monopolize Maura’s attention when it’s Aunt Keewy’s time to hold her.

Opportunities abound.

Wishing you an authentic and untamed day,

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