How to Human: Some Hypotheses

My friend Ross is a master at the art of human-ing. He just crushes it. Full-on dominates being a human.

The Dalai Lama is reported to be this way too. In every possible aspect, His Holiness seems to have perfected the art and science of being a human on planet Earth.

I met a taxi driver in Abu Dhabi who also mastered the “how to human” coursework. I think my friend Julie is pretty close too.

People like them – they don’t need a “how to human” book. They already have a winning recipe and all they need to do is continue to follow it. Four parts high-quality relationships to two parts meaningful work and one part movement that feels good…they’ve got it sorted.

I know a lot of people who don’t have it sorted, however.

Take my paternal grandmother, for instance. At age the ripe young age of 42, alone in her garage as her four children slept, she took her own life.

Why?

Why does Ross wake up and think, “Well goodness gracious, do I LOVE being a human on this planet!” when my grandmother reached the point of saying, “I can’t take one more minute trapped in this meat suit on a painful planet full of suffering”?

What makes it so that I was able to find lasting recovery from addiction when people who work way harder at it can’t make it stick?

Why did my depression lift when people I love can’t seem to get theirs sorted?

My hypothesis is that the world’s wisdom traditions have the answers to those questions.

They can tell you why Ross thrives and why my grandmother didn’t.

They can tell you why I now embrace life instead of needing to drink myself into a stupor to survive the day.

They can tell you…well, how to human.

When I say “how to human,” I mean “how to wake up and think, ‘You know, I’m quite content to be here. This being a human thing is a-okay in my book.’”

My hypothesis is that it comes down to having a personal well-being formula. A UNIQUE well-being formula, one that varies person to person. One that eliminates the things that are harming you (like trauma, inflammation and nervous system dysregulation) and adds in the things that help you (like high-quality relationships, a sense of meaning and regular movement). Which parts you need to focus on—well that depends. Ross might need two parts socializing to one part movement, where I need two parts movement to one part socializing. The ingredients are the same but the doses vary.

I also hypothesize that our society’s preoccupation with “junk values,” like pursuing wealth above all else, is part of the problem.

But I don’t know. I’m not writing a “how to human” book because I’ve mastered the art of being a human. I’m writing a “how to human” book because I have questions that I want answered…and because the Universe (and my husband) have gifted me a spacious life where I can pursue projects like this.

Here’s what I do know: everyone I know who’s thriving–it makes sense that they’re thriving.

Likewise, everyone I know who’s suffering–it makes sense that they’re suffering.

Well-being isn’t something that a fairy godmother goes around bestowing on a lucky few. There’s very real cause and effect…both when people feel good AND when people feel bad.

So I’ll end with this reminder – if you spend all day in a windowless office and you don’t move your body in ways that feel good and you can’t remember the last time you enjoyed yourself surrounded by people you love…maybe there’s a reason you’re feeling a bit off?

Wishing you the most glorious human experience possible,

Keely

The many sides of Ross: