My Life is Horrible and Other Nice Things My Friends Tell Me

For those who prefer to listen than read, a video version of this post is on Instagram: @keelycarney

According to my friend Jodi, my life is horrible.

“If I had to live Keely’s life…” she said to another friend over coffee, eyes widening. Then she drew her hand swiftly across her throat.

If Jodi had to live my life, she would end her own life. That was the basic message.

Jodi is one of my favorite humans on Earth because she’s both entertaining and empowered. Jodi does what she wants, says what she wants and always manages to do so in a way that makes you laugh.

Then she continued making her point. “Likewise,” she said, “If Keely had to live MY life, she’d kill herself.”

Jodi’s ultra-social. She loves people. She loves hosting and gathering and doing things (except when she doesn’t…then she’ll tell you to leave so she can take a nap – the woman’s a legend).

I, on the other hand, am built more like a monk who lives alone in a cave. I don’t want you to talk to me in the morning. I don’t want to have you over. I want to sit in silence, playing with altered states of consciousness and writing essays.

Does that sound like fun to you? 

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

This difference, this variation in how Jodi and I prefer to spend our time – it’s one of the key points I want to explore in How to Human.

My ideal day would turn Jodi into a depressed blob of human goo. Jodi’s ideal day would turn me into a miserable wench.

So how do we dance with that?

How do we lifecraft in a way that embraces these differences instead of clinging to the outdated notion that there’s one path to fulfillment?

How do we make sure our ladder is leaning against the right wall before we start climbing so that each step doesn’t get us to the wrong place faster? (Thanks Stephen Covey)

How do we reduce the learning curve so that we don’t waste decades trying to fit into a mold that will never work for us? How do we do it when the smartest person from your high school is being paid millions to hijack our attention and convince us via ads that our happiness depends on buying x or y and weighing z pounds? 

Then, excitingly, how do we celebrate being alive in an era where any of this matters?! If Jodi and I were settlers on the frontier in the 1800s, do you think any of this would have mattered? No! Not in the slightest. Our preferences wouldn’t factor into it at all because our lives would revolve around doing what needs to be done to survive…until we died in childbirth.

This topic of authentic living, of aligned living – it fascinates me.

The essential ingredients for a rich and rewarding human life are all the same. We all need high-quality relationships. We need sunlight and time in nature. We need a sense of purpose and meaning.

But the specifics? The dosages and proportions and priorities? Wildly different. And I want to dig into that.

I want to celebrate more with friends who say things like, “Now that I’ve begun living as ME instead of my dad, I’m floating on a pink cloud.”

I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’ve landed on the right words to capture this message yet, but that’s the point of morning musings. Contemplating ideas as they come up, not expecting shiny or polished gems. 

So I’d love to hear – is this a topic you spend time contemplating? Are there better ways to express the idea? Does it feel essential to you the way it feels essential to me?

Please let me know. I wish we all lived in the same town and could gather to discuss…for an hour…in the afternoon…at Jodi’s :)

Keely