Physical Health, Mental Health and Perspective Shifts

*Photo by* *Holly Mandarich* on *Unsplash*

You know those women who eat whatever they want, never exercise and look like Victoria’s Secret models? And the men who live on Popeyes, rarely get off the couch and look like they live in a CrossFit box?

You know who I’m talking about, right? THOSE people. The ones who won the genetic lottery. The mythical unicorns who walk amongst us.

Because that’s what they are: mythical.

If you’ve made it to the age of 30, you’ve hopefully learned that—short of people who have tapeworms, thyroids that are attacking their own body, or another medical ailment—these people are a myth.

That woman who pretends she eats a burrito for breakfast, a cheeseburger for lunch and a whole pizza for dinner without ever lifting a dainty foot to exercise—that’s not real. Shadow her for a month. See what happens if she actually lived the way she’s pretending to.

Likewise, I’m inclined to believe that no one amongst us has found a chiseled hunk of man meat who lives on Popeyes, has a sedentary job and rarely gets off the couch.

I get that talking about weight and body and cultural ideals about what each gender is supposed to look like is a touchy topic, so I’m not going to stay here long. I’m writing all this to craft a mental health analogy.

Eat what you want, exercise how you want, celebrate the body you have. Stomp all over the cultural conditioning that tells you how you’re supposed to look, maybe while listening to Jax’s “Victoria’s Secret.” Live it up.

And, while you’re doing that, perhaps remember this truth: the same way the physical health doesn’t “just happen,” mental, emotional and spiritual health also don’t “just happen.”

If having a CrossFit body matters to you, you’re probably going to have to log some hours at the gym.

If having inner peace, high energy and radiant well-being matter to you, you’re probably going to have to take some action.

I’m trying to say this in a balanced way because the last thing I want is for someone to walk away from reading my musing feeling like there’s yet another thing they have to add to their to-do list. I think many of our problems boil down to doing too much and I’m almost always in favor of taking things off your to-do list.

But this particular point is important to me because I have encountered countless people (younger Keely included) who thought that mental, emotional and spiritual health were just something you had or something you didn’t have.

Take, for instance, the chronically depressed 20-something-year-old version of myself. I had so much envy towards Sam and my friend Julie because they had a joie de vivre that I just couldn’t tap into.

We all had corporate jobs. We all worked a lot of hours. But they had energy when they made it to the weekend. I didn’t.

For a whole host of reasons (including those commercials that brainwashed us all into believing that depression is a chemical imbalance—IT’S NOT), I assumed that there was something wrong with me that was “right” with Sam and Julie.

But I failed to contemplate cause and effect.

Sam and Julie arrived in adulthood with far more resilience than I did, so they could handle the stressors of daily life with more grace than I did (and please don’t let that concern you if you’re currently a low-resilience person—resilience is something you can build).

Simultaneously, they were doing important things to tend to their well-being on a daily basis. Things that I wasn’t doing. Julie, thanks to some combination of nature and nurture, has always tended to her human needs. She cultivates relationships. She exercises. She maintains hobbies. She finds opportunities to use her strengths on a daily basis.

If there were an instruction manual on “how to human” (and I believe there is), Julie came into adulthood following it. And she’s never stopped. I don’t think she ever will. I’m also inclined to believe that her daughter will reach adulthood with a firm grasp of the instruction manual as well. This kind of wisdom—it gets passed down once someone acquires it.

But, back at the peak of my suffering, I didn’t sit there and acknowledge, “Ah yes. Julie is tending to her human needs. She intuitively lives in alignment with her core values. She takes action on a daily basis to have high energy and positive moods.”

Instead, I sat there and thought, “What’s wrong with me?”

A few weeks ago, a woman I respect commented on one of my posts. She wrote, “Thank you for creating this. I needed a gentle reminder of the importance of keeping my cup full. Because lately it has been consistently empty, and I am realizing there is an active effort required to fill it back up. You also may have just inspired a mountain hiking trip for me.”

That knowing—the awareness that keeping your cup full requires active effort—that’s so comforting to me. Because it means that there’s hope. Anyone who’s feeling down, depleted, unwell…you name it…you’re not broken. You’re not doomed or cursed or defective. It’s just a question of 1) do you already know what works for you and need help to actually do it? or 2) do you need help learning what works for you?

I’d much rather be asking myself those questions than hiding under the covers, feeling defeated and hopeless, wondering why I’m broken and my friends aren’t. But maybe that’s just me.

Wishing you a lifetime of radiant health in all domains,