“I long ago stopped feeling bad about my interests.”
For those who prefer watching over reading, an (experimental) video version is available on Instagram: @keelycarney
The most liberating thing I’ve read in the last year came from David Sedaris.
Not a personal development book. Not anything from my “how to human” research.
David Sedaris. The delightfully funny satire writer whose bandwagon I was late to get on, but am now fully onboard. Sam, I pretty please want to go to one of his shows when we have the chance.
Want to know what it was? What I found so liberating?
It was one simple sentence. Midway through his “To Serbia with Love” essay, in which he describes his eccentric travel style, he wrote, “I long ago stopped feeling bad about my interests.”
“I long ago stopped feeling bad about my interests.”
I’m going to repeat it one more time, just for good measure: “I long ago stopped feeling bad about my interests.”
In the paragraphs leading up to that oh-so-liberating sentence, he describes a Portuguese driver he wanted to punch in the face. When David travels, he hires a personal driver and Carlos, the one he had in Lisbon, drove him batty.
“David,” Carlos would say as he pulled over the car, “I want you to look out the window to your left. There you will see a monument to Miguel Pouza, who was the first captain of tall ships to be presented to our queen in 1612…”
Then he’d do the same thing on the next block. And the next. And the next.
“Oh my god,” David thought. “Is this really happening?”
Then he got to the gold: “I noticed that Carlos said oosh-ul-lee rather than usually. Beach was bitch, as in ‘Live in this mansion and you could have your own private bitch!”
“‘I do not care about your bitches,’ I wanted to tell him. ‘Or your churches or your famous sites. All I care about are your stores, so how about you just button your lip and drive me to the one I read about that sells wax models of human intestines?’”
“I long ago stopped feeling bad about my interests. History? Give me a break! Culture? Yawn. Take me to the nearest supermarket!”
Thank you, David. Thank you, thank you, thank you for these entertaining words that helped me find more freedom.
One of my biggest challenges in life is that I don’t like the things I’m “supposed” to like. I don’t want to go out to a boozy brunch or wine-fueled girls’ nights, nor do I want to gather in someone’s living room and chat. Those things drive me crazy.
I also don’t want to go see the touristy things if I come to visit you, nor do I feel like I missed out if you don’t show me “can’t miss” sites in your town.
Do you know what I like to do? Wake up, drink some coffee and put my fingers on the keyboard. See if a trance state is accessible to me that day. On the relatively high chance that it is, I then want to use that trance (flow) state to work on projects that make my heart sing, ones that make me feel like there’s a reason for me to be visiting planet Earth in a fragile skin-covered sack of organs that has to pee literally every 30 minutes. If the trance state doesn’t come, then I’m down to go play with you. But I don’t want morning plans because I need wide open maker’s-schedule hours to court the “I’m flooded with gratitude and awe and also creating at the speed of light” state I’m seeking.
Then later, I’d love to join you for a Pilates class or a walk (once the UV index drops below 4) or maybe some yoga if it happens to be taught by Frankie Arata or Jessica Taveres Smith or anyone trained by Philip Christodoulou. I long ago stopped feeling bad about not actually liking 99% of yoga classes, but LOVING any offering from those teachers (and missing them dearly).
The evening — wide open. Shall we get dinner? Watch a movie? Go bowling? Compare our experiences contemplating suicide in our youth? Make sick and twisted jokes about mental health or ass cancer? Discuss different visions we’ve had while on psychedelics? I’m up for basically anything as long as the expectation isn’t that we’ll sit still for 4-6 hours in a row chitter-chattering. That’s too long. TOO LONG, I tell you.
The reason that I feel perfectly self-assured in sharing these hopes and dreams is because there’s no part of me that will ever impose my ideal day on you. You probably don’t want to get up and write about your inner world while seeking a trance state. You might not even OWN a rattle or shamanically initiated stones. Your ideal vacation might not include puking in a bucket while thanking every lucky star for skilled shamans and plant medicines. All good – no expectations on my end.
What I seek in relationships is win-win-win-win-win-win-WINS. I want you to do the things that make your soul soar while I do the things that make my soul soar, then keep our eyes open for overlapping opportunities. The middle part of the Venn diagram where the thing you love overlaps with the thing I love and we feel tickled pink to have a companion in our “oh my GOD, do I feel delighted to be a human on this planet while doing this thing” ecstasy.
But maybe that’s just me. I’m at my two-page limit, so we’ll end here.
Wishing you liberation and exactly ZERO shame around your interests,
Keely
