That time I picked a weekend at home with my husband over flying to Ecuador
Yesterday afternoon, the weirdest thing happened.
I was ten minutes from the Fort Lauderdale airport, making a pit stop to fill my rental car’s gas tank, when this deep inner knowing settled over me.
“I would be more excited to turn around and spend the weekend with Sam than I would be to get on this plane and fly to Ecuador.”
Now, here’s what makes it weird – that flight to Ecuador? It was taking me to an ayahuasca retreat. An ayahuasca retreat! I don’t know if you’ve read my other musings about plant medicine, but I am an ayahuasca devotee.
I am, at a cellular level, deeply devoted to Grandmother Ayahuasca. I believe, with joyful, radiant faith, that working with ayahuasca has transformed my life in the most beautiful way.
I believe that my work with ayahuasca (and her masculine-energy counterpart, San Pedro) is why I now do things like shout, “WHAT A LUCKY LIFETIME!” at the top of my lungs when I used to be someone who hoped that her plane would crash.
That’s a pretty big transformation, folks. To go from, “life feels like such a heavy chore that I’d be grateful to die,” to “Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW! I can’t believe I get to live this lucky lifetime”...
That’s no small thing. In fact, I’m pausing right now to really feel into that. To connect to the overwhelming gratitude I feel.
Thank you, plant medicines. Thank you, shamans. Thank you, human experience. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
But let’s get back to yesterday. There I was, driving along, everything in place to take my annual-ish pilgrimage to attend a plant medicine retreat, to go sit with Grandmother Ayahuasca and Grandfather San Pedro, to be surrounded by my people in my happy place.
And, instead, I pulled over, took out my phone, canceled my flight and extended my rental car.
Not because I had a “it doesn’t feel like a good day to fly” premonition or because I got a stomach ache.
Simply because I wanted to spend the weekend with my husband more than I wanted to go to a retreat.
And, as I made the decision, I could feel ayahuasca approving. Because, in my book, this is how I honor the plant medicines that have given me so much: by cherishing what I’ve been given.
By saying “thank you” not just with my words, but with my actions.
I have a husband I treasure. I have a life I adore. I feel, at the core of my being, that plant medicines (especially ayahuasca) are the reason I have these things. My work with the medicines in sacred, ceremonial settings has so thoroughly rewired my brain and neural pathways that I feel like a different person than the Keely who struggled with depression and drank herself into a stupor on a daily basis.
Don’t get me wrong – there are still things in life that are challenging. I booked this retreat because Sam and I want children and, so far, it hasn’t happened for us. That has been, at times, quite painful.
But I no longer feel broken. I no longer feel like there are things inside of me that are fundamentally flawed.
In general, I feel good. Resilient. Grateful. Happy. Loved. Loving.
Guys – sometimes healing work works.
Sometimes you get the thing you’re seeking.
And sometimes you call your husband and tell him you made a decision that’s so out of character that he responds, “I need you to say that again because I don’t actually understand the words that are coming out of your mouth right now. You’re coming back to Boynton? You’re spending the weekend with me instead of going to Ecuador? You’re what?!”
To whatever forces that conspired to grant me this lucky lifetime walking alongside a fella’ I adore: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Wishing us all a lifetime we cherish,
Keely
P.S. In case anyone is too alarmed – don’t worry, I’m still a Sagittarius. I’m leaving for Ecuador on Tuesday when Sam heads back to China. There are still spots available at the retreat if anyone’s been feeling the call and wants to join last minute.
