Trusting the Unfolding, Part Seven Thousand and Two
Recently, I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle.
For the first time since I started writing Morning Musings, I don’t feel free in my writing.
I don’t feel free to sit down at the keyboard, tap into flow state, then publish the unedited words as soon as I emerge from the life-affirming, high-octane, “erhmygod-I-love-being-a-human” trance-y high that comes when you have a deep dip into flow state.
Instead, I find myself tapping on the brakes.
Writing a sentence, then deleting the sentence.
Tapping out a paragraph or five, then thinking, “ehh, no.” No. I can’t do that. I can’t publish that.
Pulling myself out of flow instead of surrendering to it.
Do you want to know the reason?
Me too.
I’ve already tried to explain it three times in this musing, then deleted all of the paragraphs. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I can’t summon the words I need to capture what I want to capture.
Correction: I’m now up to four.
Not only that, but this is my third morning in a row pulling up the same musing and playing with this idea.
Because this idea – this knowing that there’s some block behind feeling free in my writing – there’s a whole lotta energy behind it.
A lot of juiciness.
But very little clarity.
And do you know what I’m learning as I sit with this? This wanting to know, but not yet knowing? This wanting to articulate, but not yet being able to?
Acceptance.
Trust.
Surrender.
Because each day, as I show up and play with this idea, a piece of the puzzle comes into focus.
And each day, as I explore a different piece of the puzzle, I feel a little freer.
So I’m getting what I’m seeking.
Just not how I expected to get it.
One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Richard Rudd, is pretty against manifesting.
“In recent years,” he writes, “There has been much talk in esoteric circles about harnessing the attractor field that surrounds humans. Much of this information is geared towards the manifestation of one’s wishes on the material plane.”
My teachings (the Gene Keys), he continues, “do not offer any such techniques for manifestation.”
“It is unlikely that we humans really know what is good for us in the first place!”
“What you do learn from this wisdom is that in life you will always get exactly what you need when you need it. The secret is not about asking for something in the future - it is about mining the full depth and splendor of what you already have in the present.”
I don’t know how that lands for you, but it hits me right in my “truth-y truth” wisdom receptors.
Love,
Your friend who trusts the unfolding
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Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I wake up, put my fingers on the keyboard and “learn in public” (credit: Liz Gilbert). The delightful humans who read these musings tend to see them as an invitation to slow down, have a virtual cup of coffee together, and contemplate the human experience. If you’d like to join our tribe, subscribe here.
