What Are You Really Practicing?

How a devious childhood led to creative problem-solving skills…and why knowing what you’re actually practicing matters.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Back when I was a wee lass, I delighted in finding creative ways to get what I wanted.

Take, for instance, M&M’s. My parents kept our family’s stash in a fun dispenser, but they always put it on top of the refrigerator.

They thought that putting it high enough that I’d have to risk life and limb to get to it would deter me from helping myself to M&M’s whenever I wanted some. But it didn’t. Much to their chagrin, I found a way around their obstacle. To get to my delectable treats, I didn’t have to risk my life and limb. I had a little brother for that.

Said little brother was a real dummy, the way two-year-olds tend to be. It wasn’t uncommon for him to crawl into the middle of the road and chew on lightbulbs, so convincing him to scale the refrigerator was nothing. I probably just had to promise him a swig or two of maple syrup--toddler rocket fuel.

Then, one day, my mom caught us red-handed. By us, I mean my brother. I helped him stack up the chairs, then went to play in another room. I instinctively knew about the power of alibis.

When my mom came to confront me, knowing exactly who put him up to it, I shrugged. “Wow, that’s pretty devious of him,” I surely said, pretending to be shocked. “I can’t believe he did that. Maybe you should spank him.”

Basically a saint, little Keely.

* * *

But it all worked out. My brother and I both survived childhood. Did he emerge with more scars than I did? You betcha. However, he’s happy, healthy and--at the ripe ol’ age of 31--owns a fancy Tesla that drives him places, so I’d say the Universe more than compensated him for his wounds.

And me? I emerged with excellent problem solving skills. I have an unshakeable confidence in my ability to solve problems. So unshakeable that it borders on annoying sometimes. I believe I can figure anything out, that I have within me all the resources I need.

Fortunately, I also developed a conscience along the way. I can’t remember the last time I willingly risked someone else’s life to get something I wanted. These days, I try to work for the common good.

* * *

Why am I reflecting on my childhood shenanigans? Because the topic of “practicing” has been top of mind for me lately.

My younger self got a lot of practice autonomously solving problems. She set up the circumstances to enable it and gleefully practiced, practiced, practiced. And it paid off. When I was in my twenties, feeling crippled by chronic depression and unable to find a doctor who could fix my problem for me, I took my destiny into my own hands. I applied my hard-won problem-solving skills to the challenge and found a solution that worked for me.

Would I have been able to do that if I hadn’t practiced creative problem solving so much as a devious youth? Maybe. But probably not.

* * *

And why has this topic been top of mind? Because, recently, a friend asked me for help with her writing. She’s in the very beginning stages and is trying to develop the habit of writing regularly.

When she asked me for help, she was specifically seeking help with grammar and syntax. She wanted to know if what she had written flowed well, if her commas were in the right places.

I checked her piece and did some edits. But something inside me felt uncomfortable. As I reflected on it, I realized why: I didn’t think grammar and syntax were the right skills to practice at her current stage.

I want my friend to have a life beyond her wildest dreams. If she wants writing to be a part of her life, I want to do whatever I can to help her. So I told her what I thought.

“I wouldn’t focus on the technical tools of the writer’s toolbox at the moment,” I suggested. “I’d embrace ugly first drafts in order to practice writing regularly. Without that habit, nothing else matters.”

* * *

Then I thought about it for my own life. I’m only a couple months into being back to writing regularly and I’m attempting to publish blog posts more often. But what am I actually practicing?

Am I practicing writing? Editing? Publishing? 

What skill am I trying to develop? What am I trying to get better at?

The answer? (Stay with me if you want to watch my husband’s head explode.)

* * *

Inner alchemy.

I’m practicing the art of self-transformation through creative pursuits.

That’s the skill I want to develop. My highest priority, at this stage of my writing game, is to practice connecting with Infinite Intelligence. I consider creativity sacred. I want this hobby to be fun and compelling and rewarding. I want to be enchanted by the process. I want writing to feel magical.

Do I hope that, in the process, I become a better writer? That I learn how to convey complex ideas simply? That I become pithier and learn how to use fewer words to get my point across? That I become wittier and funnier?

Yeah, duh. I’m a human. If I’m going to do something, I want to be good at it.

But that’s not what I’m practicing--yet. I’m at the stage I’m at, practicing what needs to be practiced. When I get to a different stage, I’ll practice a different skill.

***

It doesn’t just apply to writing, of course. Taking four minutes to get clear on what you’re actually practicing can change everything. Everything!

Back when I was running a company and drowning, I wish that I knew to pause and ask myself, “Okay, self. At this stage, what is the right skill to be practicing?” If I had, it might have actually been fun. Instead, since I was trying to get good at everything all at once and way out of my league, it was miserable.

So I’m passing along a tip: pause. Look at the different areas of your life. And say, “What am I actually practicing? What’s the right skill to focus on getting better at?” My belief: when you find the right one, it’ll feel challenging, but also fun. That’s the clue that you’re in the sweet spot.

Maybe you’ll even find something that doesn’t make your husband’s head explode. I haven’t figured out that trick yet.

Question for the Comments/Journaling Prompt

Is there a skill you’re currently focused on building? If so, what are you really practicing? Does it delight you?