#252: On Relating
One of my favorite things that Sam and I have recently begun doing is thanking each other.
Revolutionary, right?
But we’re not just thanking each other for the usual things (“Thanks for bringing me my water,” “Thanks for making dinner,” “Thanks for being the best hubbalicious there ever was”)...
Instead, we’re thanking each other for being pleasant at times when it would be remarkably easy to be unpleasant.
Last week, for instance, I had a particularly rough day and night with Winnie before our trip up north, and it coincided with Sam having an especially full-on day (and night) at work.
Which meant that an hour before we were due to leave for the airport (with an infant), our bags still weren’t packed.
And Sam was unfazed.
He woke up and joined me downstairs, then he got. s. done.
No expressing frustration. No pointing fingers. No venting.
Simply doing what needed to be done, while taking dance breaks with baobao in between.
Despite the fact that he was exhausted.
Despite the fact that the situation was frustrating.
Despite… well, everything.
So when we got in the car, I thanked him. “Thank you for being so pleasant this morning. I know it would have been very easy to be unpleasant.”
Likewise, he praised me after our ridiculous flight to the US. Life unfolded in a way that meant I got 4 hours of sleep in a 48-hour period because that’s what caring for baobao required (flying from Hong Kong to the US is no joke. Flight 1: 8 hours. Flight 2: 15 hours).
But when we landed, you wouldn’t have been able to tell from my mood. I was weirdly pleasant, despite my exhaustion, and Sam took the time to notice.
To acknowledge.
To point out.
To express gratitude.
And I know this isn’t possible in every relationship.
I know a lot of people end up with partners who aren’t particularly pleasant even when things are going right—much less when things are challenging (hello, newborn sleep deprivation).
But getting into my thoughts on that topic would require this musing to be three pages. And I’m working on staying closer to one.
Wishing you pleasantness in all your interactions,
Keely
Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I wake up, put my fingers on the keyboard and see if any ideas want to play. The cherished humans who read these musings tend to see them as an invitation to slow down, have a virtual cup of coffee together, and contemplate the human experience. If you’d like to join our tribe, subscribe here: https://keelyc.substack.com/
