Ayni

The more you give, the more you receive. The more you receive, the more you give.

Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash

I spend a lot of my day trying to be worthy of my good fortune.

My more evolved friends (if you use the term “friend” loosely so that it means “the spiritual masters I read about”) would likely tell me that’s silly. “Trying to prove yourself worthy, Keely? Hogwash.”

And they’re right. Trying to prove ourselves worthy of anything is a fool’s errand. But I haven’t yet figured out how to express myself better.

Fortunately, I have this whole blank page to do so.

Because what I’m actually interested in isn’t proving myself worthy of anything. As a nauseatingly optimistic Sagittarius with strong beliefs about how abundance works, I don’t want to be coming from a place of lack. “I only deserve this good fortune if I do things to earn it.” I don’t want constant vigilance, fearing that I’ll lose this feeling of blissful contentment if I don’t stay in perpetual motion.

What I actually want is to live in ayni.

Ayni is a Quechua word that means “sacred reciprocity.” It is the bedrock of traditional Andean cultures and has to do with harmonious relationships and being a good neighbor.

Most people summarize it by saying, “The more I give, the more I receive. The more I receive, the more I give.”

Ideally, when you’re living in ayni, you always give at least a little more than you take. Did your neighbor send over fresh produce from her garden? After receiving it graciously (being able to receive is crucial), what did you give in return?

It’s about a cycle. Giving and receiving. Receiving and giving.

In Andean cultures, ayni is pervasive. It’s not just a concept that applies to individuals (are you living in or out of ayni?), but also families, villages, countries, the world at large. For example: is the human race living in ayni with our generous host planet, Pachamama? Are we always giving at least a little more than we take?

One of my teachers, Alberto Villoldo, talks about one of his teachers being summoned to a village that was suffering from a prolonged drought. Rainy season never came and the villagers were worried. Alberto’s teacher, a master shaman, came to the village and immediately disappeared into a hut for multiple days to pray and meditate. Eventually, he emerged, walked out into a clearing, raised his hands, and the rain came.

When Alberto asked him how he did this, his teacher said he restored the village’s ayni then “prayed rain.” He didn’t pray for rain; he prayed rain. He stood in the clearing, in the newly restored state of ayni, and became rain.

I know it’s a little weird. A lot of it goes over my head if I’m being honest. But as someone who thinks part of her mission in this lifetime is to help make magic the next mindfulness, it’s worth talking about these things.

Another woman I admire said that “magic” is a relative term. If you take someone who’s lived in the Amazon jungle their entire lives to Miami, put a debit card in a machine, show them cash coming out, then go buy something with the green paper, they’ll think it’s magic. If you travel to their home and watch them manipulate the weather, you’ll think it’s magic. But really it’s just different technologies. We’re comfortable with our technologies so we don’t think they’re magic. But things like influencing the weather? We don’t understand that technology in the slightest, so we call it magic.

It looks like I’ve gotten off on a tangent again. Let’s bring this back in.

For whatever reason–maybe because I had some rocky years in my youth or because I tend towards optimism–I frequently feel like I’m living the world’s luckiest lifetime.

Not because I’ve won the lottery or made millions of dollars or look like a supermodel (though all of those things would be nice!), but because I get to spend my days how I want to.

Both my husband (thank you hubby) and the Universe have given me that gift. And it’s important to me that I don’t squander it. That I use this glorious, glorious extended sabbatical in a meaningful way. Not because I have to do anything to earn it. But because I believe that’s how I show gratitude for my good fortune. With aligned actions.

The more I receive, the more I give. The more I give, the more I receive.

As such, I’m working on a few offerings at the moment. I’ve temporarily closed my calendar for one-off shamanic energy medicine sessions while I work out what comes next. I’ve learned a lot while offering complementary sessions during my apprenticeship, including that I like to do deeper work with people–and that there’s only so much time I’m willing to spend in front of a screen.

What I think is coming is a six-week “Satisfied Mind” program for friends, friends of friends and strangers on the Internet who have a history of high-functioning depression or burnout. People who are generally functional adults, but feel like they’re missing the radiant energy and joie de vivre that their peers seem to enjoy. People like me in my twenties.

If you’re interested, send a note through the program page.

Hugs and hope that the whole human race adopts the goal of living in ayni,