Celebrating Friends Who Make It Easy to Say No

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

“What are you doing?!” Sam asked, looking shocked.

He’d just caught me EMAILING at 11:37 PM, which is about as out of character as it gets.

Emailing! At 11:37 PM! 

“I was helping Erin with something,” I responded, my easy breezy tone throwing Sam off.

I’m not the kind of person who emails late, then is nonchalant about it. I shut off electronics at 9:00 PM and gleefully embrace hours of wind-down time.

But yesterday was an exception.

“She asked me for help with something in a way that made me want to help,” I continued. “I forgot to do it earlier and I wanted to get it to her so she could send it out today.” Living in opposite time zones means that sending something at 11:37 PM means that my friend would receive it at 11:37 AM, mid-workday.

Here’s the reason I’m sharing this story – I was delighted to learn that there’s a way to ask me for help that increases the odds of me wanting to help.

Isn’t that a delightful thing to learn? To know? To share?

Here’s what it was: Erin made it oh-so-very easy for me to say no.

She asked for my help and made it very clear that she would celebrate a no just as much as she would celebrate a yes.

Sure, a yes would be more helpful to her. It was a writing project and…I’m pretty writer-y.

But a no? She’d be just as happy to receive that because she wants me to live my best life. If helping her wasn’t the right fit, she’d delight in me telling her that…in part because she admires anyone who’s learned how to say no, but also because she knows that, for me, a no would be growth. It’d be walking my path with more authenticity, which inevitably leads to more joy.

And she loves me. She wants me to live as joyful of a life as a human can live. Just like I love her and want her to live as joyful of a life as a human can live. 

So I’m celebrating that. Thanks, Erin, for making it easy to say no. Thanks for this valuable lesson.

And, for anyone else who’s caught the Human Design bug – a quick note to say that this approach is likely to delight anyone who has the Generator or Manifesting Generator energy type. Our types unlock ease and flow by following our excitement, by ONLY saying yes to things that genuinely light us up…and by saying no to everything else. 

EVERYTHING else.

My teacher says, “This strategy can feel confusing because it’s so simple: if you feel excited about something, go for it. If you don’t, don’t.”

Wishing you ease and flow, as well as friends who make it easy to say no,

Keely