Emailing

Photo by Firmbee.com on Unsplash

This morning, I spent my writing time composing an email instead of musing.

Now it’s 9:15 and I have to leave for an appointment because I failed to leave my morning wide open, the way my maker’s soul desires.

I feel slightly irritated with myself because I know better. I know better than to use my precious morning time writing emails. In fact, I’m not even sending the email I wrote because it opens a can of worms that I don’t want to open.

But do you know what else I know?

That there’s an area of my life where I need to take action…but I’m not.

Where I’m resisting.

Avoiding instead of acting.

Pushing it off.

And pushing it off.

And pushing it off.

In my enchanted worldview, each of us is on Earth to learn. Our souls are here to learn lessons that are essential to our development.

We’re in Earth School.

And, in my version of Earth School, the Universe sends me gentle nudges when I need to take action.

Then, if I don’t listen, the nudge gets a little less gentle.

Then less gentle.

Then less gentle.

If I take too long to listen, it even becomes painful.

One of my theories about my history with depression is that depression was a helper. In my eager beaver, “society tells me that the path to success is x, y and z” twenties, I would frequently pursue paths that were wrong for me.

And, before I could get too far down the path, depression would pop up and shut me down. “Oh, you’re going to insist on this path? Well, I’m going to take away all of your energy so you can’t.”

Once I learned how to listen, how to get still and tap into my inner knowing, I didn’t need depression anymore. I didn’t need a harsh teacher because I didn’t need harsh lessons.

This idea–while perhaps a little too out there for some–becomes universal when we ask this question: “Where are the areas in my life where I’m acting AGAINST my best interests?”

That email I wrote–I was acting against my best interests. And I was doing it for very specific reasons that I’m unable to articulate in a two-page essay. But I know those reasons. I even know the remedy.

Now I just need to take action. Follow through. Say enough is enough before the Universe has to get out the big stick.

So I will. I may have missed the opportunity to have the gentle, flowy, “ooooh isn’t this fun,” writing time that I cherish. But instead I got a reminder. And maybe that’s what I needed more today.

One of my shamanic teachers says the Universe (Source, God, Creator, Infinite Intelligence…whatever you want to call it) is always giving us clues. But when we’re moving too fast–when we’re busy, busy, busy–they go right over our head. If we want help, if we want guidance, if we want the support of the Universe itself, we need to learn how to slow down.

Wishing you the chance to slow down (ironically, I’m wishing that for you as I rush out the door),