Navigating the Holiday Season: Life Lessons from Mr. Andrew

Photo credit: Mrs. Andrew’s Facebook

In 2013 and 2014, I worked under a leader who regularly blew my mind. His name is Mark Andrew and, fortunately, he knows just how much he impressed me. He probably wishes I’d stop writing to him as if he ran a “Dear Abby” life advice column, but he’s wise enough to surrender to that reality – I’m not going to stop. (Also, feel free to just have Mrs. Andrew answer them if they ever get to be too much. Sometimes I wonder if she’s mastered even more of the secrets of life…what a household.)

The thing that impressed me most about Mr. Andrew was his presence. More than anyone I’ve met in the work world, Mr. Andrew is a man who knows how to keep his cup full. There wasn’t a single imprint of obligation-based service anywhere in his energetic field. No martyr-y sacrifices. If someone came to me and told me that Mr. Andrew was burned out, I’d declare them a liar. “Wow, Dalai Lama, I didn’t know you had it in you to lie. But if you’re telling me that Mr. Andrew is burned out, then you’re lying. No one in the world knows how to better manage their energy than him, so if you’re saying that Mr. Andrew reached that level of depletion, my inevitable conclusion is that you’re a liar, liar, pants on fire. Erm and also may I have a blessing, please and thank you, your Holiness.”

Before his work day began, Mr. Andrew would do a 5:00 or 6:00 AM CrossFit class. Then, when most of the office cleared out, he would do an evening Spin class.

The times might be reversed – the point is that Mr. Andrew woke himself up with movement he enjoyed, then moved the stress of the workday through his system with more movement he enjoyed.

I want to emphasize the “enjoyed” part.

Mr. Andrew didn’t drag himself to two exercise classes a day because he worried about his BMI or felt like he was a lazy sack of poo if he didn’t hit a certain number of steps each day.

He found that exercise was THE cornerstone well-being habit for his particular bundle of nature and nurture, then he leaned into it.

Mr. Andrew had a stressful job. It often required him to spend time away from the wife and family he adored. And he was responsible for meeting real and demanding goals (when I worked under him, he was the Regional Vice President and General Manager of the Fairmont Washington, DC – my boss’s boss).

And, between exercise, meditation, an emphasis on rich and rewarding relationships and a whole lotta “yep, this is how to human” core values, the stress of Mr. Andrew’s job rolled off his back as if he were wearing a raincoat.

He was resilience personified. In an exceptionally fun package, I might add. Find one person who knows Mr. Andrew who doesn’t adore him – I dare you.

I’m writing about him today because of a ten-second exchange I had this morning. After a bit of chatting with my mother- and father-in-law this morning (humans I’m also lucky enough to adore), I said that I was going to take some time for my morning routine. I told my mother-in-law that I had missed my morning writing during my weeks of travel and itched to get back to my normal ritual.

And, warm bundle of love that she is, she gave me a benediction, “You were on vacation,” she pointed out, wanting to be sure that I wasn’t beating myself up.

But I wasn’t. There was not one iota of self-indictment in my statement, the same way there was no self-indictment in Mr. Andrew’s twice-a-day exercise routine.

Like Mr. Andrew, I’ve identified THE cornerstone well-being habit for this particular bundle of nature and nurture…and it happens to be writing as a form of prayer.

My sister-in-law, who is a walking embodiment of all that is good about the Christian faith, doesn’t feel put out if she takes a few minutes to pray while she’s on vacation. It’s something that fills her up and brings her joy.

It’s the same for me, just in a format that’s slightly different than what most people are used to. I don’t feel put out when I make time for it. I feel delighted.

So, with the holiday season upon us, where many people slide into January 1st with completely empty cups, yearning to sleep for a week or two – maybe there’s space for daily rituals and routines that keep your cup full along the way.

To exercise the way he wants, Mr. Andrew has to take a minimum of two hours per day away from something else, but he gives the world back 22 hours of the Mr. Andrew they cherish.

To write, I have to take my hour or two. Then, because I’ve decided to become a full-on wild woman, I take yet another hour or two in the afternoon to go for a solo walk. And, you know what’s happened? My social interactions, my quality time with loved ones – they’ve gotten better. Those hours have a tremendous return on time invested.

Do the thing you need to do. Without shame. Without guilt. Without remorse.

Without feeling like you’re being a burden or a hassle or prickly.

It’s not high-strung, high-falootin’ or neurotic to say, “I’m going to go take this time for myself because I like to show up for myself and YOU a certain way.”

It’s what Mr. Andrew would do. And he’s basically right about everything, so listen to him.

Also, just to make sure we’re all clear, everything I wrote is the story I tell myself about Mr. Andrew. It’s 100% possible that he is motivated by something completely different than what I think; I only have access to my inner world, not his, not Sam’s, not yours, not anyone else’s. But isn’t inspirational leadership so fascinating? I haven’t seen Mr. Andrew in person for almost a decade, yet I still regularly bask in the glow of “thank you for this precious wisdom” gratitude, applying things I learned from him to my daily life.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. In Mr. and Mrs. Andrews’ words: “It just keeps getting better.”

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