Not Knowing
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash
Hi friends,
I’m popping my head up after a bit of a hibernation and wanted to touch base. My ooey gooey insides miss the days of sharing my musings so consistently that I’d get “Are you okay?” messages after two days of not publishing.
In the fall, when I was really on a musing streak, my cousin Denyse said, “I feel like I’m sharing my tea or coffee with you each morning,” and I loved it. Looooooved it. So very much. What a sentiment. It’s one I’ve heard from others too, one that warms my heart to a degree I struggle to articulate.
Recently though, trying to write the way I was has felt forced. Constricting instead of liberating. Heavy instead of light.
I don’t know why. I do know that the shift annoyed me. “I love this practice! I love it exactly the way it was at its peak! Please let me keep it, please, please, please, please,” I’d say to the Universe.
Except on the next breath, when I’d say, “Unless maybe you’re clearing the way for something better to come?! If that’s the case, be my guest. I surrender morning musings for whatever is coming and – if I can lodge a request – a JK-Rowling-level payday wouldn’t go amiss.”
Then on the breath after that, I’d also throw out, “I’m also very open to this being a lifetime that’s focused on spiritual wealth over material wealth because it feels like that’s probably worth more. But I also want to make sure you know that I’m supremely grateful for everything I already have. There’s actually not much of a gap between what I want and what I have and…wow. Thank you for that. Thank you for such abundance and thank you for cherishing what I’ve already received. What a lucky lifetime.”
What I’m trying to say is that I’m in a chapter of not knowing. Which feels like it could be a good way to summarize what it is to be human?
Wishing us all a playful attitude towards not knowing, one flavored with acceptance and lots of laughing at ourselves,
Keely
P.S. This feels like a saying worth knowing: “Let go or be dragged.” - Zen proverb
