#249: Boogers.
A few years ago, when younger me was still figuring out her place in the world, I started a charity.
This charity serves women in recovery. It helps them re-enter the workforce after seeking treatment for substance abuse.
And this charity has had impact.
Mothers who lost custody of their children due to their addiction have been reunited with their little ones thanks to our program.
Chronic relapsers have found lasting recovery thanks to the safe and secure environment we provide.
And…
There is not one single thing I’ve done related to this charity
That has ever filled me with as much pride
As I experienced the first time I successfully sucked a booger out of our infant daughter’s nose.
We live in an era where it can be easy to fall prey to purpose anxiety.
To believe that there’s something out there we have to find and do and conquer.
Something that will not only deeply fulfill us but also pay all of our bills and buy us business class tickets and allow us to stay at luxury hotels that we post on our Instagram stories.
And I think there’s real power in staying open.
In allowing room for life to surprise you.
Because I never expected to find bone-deep satisfaction in booger-sucking.
AND
Three months into motherhood, I can already tell you…
That it alone ain’t enough for me.
I love our daughter. I love the heart-expanding, soul-fulfilling, warm and gooey moments I get to spend with her.
But without my “work” (which 1 – is actually play and 2 – is an undefined, vague, amorphous blob), I’m mentally dissatisfied.
I find myself up at 3:00 AM contemplating the state of my arm fat instead of pondering the great mysteries of the universe.
And that’s not a direction I’m willing to go.
So this musing…
Well, it doesn’t have a conclusion. I think that maybe it’s about chapters in life? Or perhaps self-knowledge? Or trusting in the unfolding?
But maybe it’s only about boogers.
Hard to say,
Keely
Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I wake up, put my fingers on the keyboard and see if any ideas want to play. The cherished humans who read these musings tend to see them as an invitation to slow down, have a virtual cup of coffee together, and contemplate the human experience. If you’d like to join our tribe, subscribe here: https://keelyc.substack.com/
