In Gloomy Optimism

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

I am feeling deeply sad right now.

I also felt this way for a few hours on Friday. Then again Saturday morning.

I can’t tell you why.

I could be sad because I consumed an unusually high amount of dairy last week and my body’s having an inflammatory response.

It could be because my prosperity archetype is simplicity and two weeks in Taiwan for IVF followed immediately by two months bouncing around the US followed by a busy January means life hasn’t felt simple.

Maybe it’s because the work that fills my heart with soaring delight has been squeezed into cracks and crevices since October 26th.

Or because doing IVF treatments means I’m doing all sorts of crazy things to my hormones.

Or because…

Hard to say.

What I know is that, while many hours of my days are filled with the gleeful delight I cherish (which is usually the place I write from), I’m having more sad hours than normal lately.

More sorrow. More heavy-heartedness.

And that would usually trigger me to go into detective mode. “What’s causing this?” I would ponder, before I got busy fixing it.

But…

What if there’s nothing to fix?

What if it’s okay to just be sad sometimes?

Richard Rudd, the founder of the Gene Keys wisdom system, says that the “human tendency to look for outer causes for our moods is the greatest addiction on our planet.”

And, while I’m not yet wise enough to fully get what he’s saying, the idea has stuck with me ever since I read it. So I trust that there’s something there for me.

Therefore, for this particular funk, I’m opening myself up to whatever lessons sorrow has for me. I’m resisting the urge to fix, fix, fix. Instead, I’m seeing if I can strengthen a different muscle. The muscle of surrender. The muscle of trust. The muscle of letting go.

Because I want the kind of freedom that comes when outer causes no longer affect my mood. And something tells me this will help me get there.

I also suspect that by allowing these feelings, they’ll end up passing just as quickly as if I applied elbox grease to it. So why not take the easy way? That’s basically my life’s motto, after all:

Trust easy.

In gloomy but relentless optimism,

Keely

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Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I make a cup of coffee, dance around my house a little bit, then put my fingers on the keyboard and see what comes up.

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