The difference between being "low" vs. being "low resilience"

Photo by Thomas Rey on Unsplash

A few days ago, Sam and I had what I consider to be quite a bad doctor’s appointment.

Not disastrous. There was no bad news. No unpleasant updates. Our baby is healthy. I’m healthy. Things are good.

It was more of a bedside manner thing. This guy – who I suspect is fantastic most of the time – has a lot of thoughts and opinions about a specific protocol our Taiwan doctor chose to prevent blood clots during pregnancy.

Like… a lot of thoughts and opinions. Speaks-on-the-lecture-circuit-about-this-stuff level thoughts and opinions.

Which meant that we spent 40 minutes hearing them. Without the chance to really get a word in edgewise.

And, in fairness, a lot of what he said is stuff worth hearing. But if he had taken 5 minutes to hear my medical history first, then he would have realized that most of his disdain, criticism, and judgment didn’t apply to our situation. My medical history supports the decision our Taiwan doc made.

So it was pretty frustrating to sit there and try to say, “Yes and…” only to be cut off time and time again.

And afterward, I felt like junk. Like one of those worn-out couches dragged to the curb, too tired-looking for anyone to try to salvage.

Today, I’m writing this musing to celebrate that feeling.

Yes. To celebrate it.

Because do you know what has happened to me in the last week or so?

I’ve turned the corner from being “low” and am now officially “low resilience.”

If you have always had shiny, radiant mental and emotional health – and have never met a human who isn’t in that lucky camp – then I can all but guarantee you’ve never given that nuance much thought.

And, honestly, if you haven’t enjoyed shiny, radiant mental and emotional health but have been too trapped on the survival hamster wheel to have any bandwidth to contemplate your journey, you might not have ever given that nuance much thought either.

Here’s the difference: when we’re low, outside forces don’t matter much. We’re low if it’s our birthday and everyone we love has gathered to celebrate us. We’re low if we secure a much-yearned-for promotion. We’re low if our bestie gets really, really, really good news.

Because when we’re “low,” we don’t have the capacity to hit the higher notes. We don’t have the emotional range to tap into excitement, bliss, or delight.

Often, we also don’t have the emotional range to tap into the ultra-low states, either. There’s a numbness that accompanies a low. A flatness.

It’s pretty boring, to be honest. And sometimes that boredom – when it lasts for years and years and years – becomes so intolerable that people pull the plug on their own life.

But low resilience? That’s different. It is, in my opinion, a much more hopeful place to be.

Because when we’re low resilience, what happens around us starts to matter again.

When we have an easy day, a delightful day, a smooth sailing day – then we feel good.

When obstacles appear, when the water gets rough and the boat starts rocking, then we don’t feel good.

Like me after this dumb doctor’s appointment.

A lot of people hate hearing this, but do you know what I think is best to do when you’re in a low?

Rest and wait. Exercise patience. Receive massages, receive energy work sessions, receive, receive, receive… but don’t put much “doing” pressure on yourself. Not just because it’s unlikely to work. But because that’s when a low actually becomes dangerous. When you begin to suspect that your actions have no impact on your outcome… well, I’m too squeamish to spell it out, but I bet Robin Williams entered that zone.

Low resilience, though? That’s a different story. When we cross the threshold and shift from being low into the glorious terrain of being low resilience? That’s when we harness our ups for all they’re worth.

All they’re worth.

That’s my experience anyway. Literally all of this could only apply to me and not be at all useful to a single other human. Who’s to say?

Xo,

Your friend who’s in Thailand harnessing her up for all it’s worth

Morning Musings is a delight-first writing practice where I wake up, put my fingers on the keyboard and “learn in public” (credit: Liz Gilbert). The delightful humans who read these musings tend to see them as an invitation to slow down, have a virtual cup of coffee together, and contemplate the human experience. If you’d like to join our tribe, subscribe here: https://keelyc.substack.com/.